The Heretic, or "9 Fellows Walk Into a Bar... (Pt.1)"

The air was crisp, and dark, and it bit at my fingers.

My fingers, as it happens, were decisively wrapped about the handle of a wheelie-bag filled with expensive clothing, while the rest of me just waited for a bus. My mind was sloshing around some part of my brain trying to avoid the idea of “morning”. It was succeeding splendidly, as there was certainly no sunlight to argue otherwise. And everything was damp.

And so, I sat at my favorite bus stop on a Tuesday morning with a valuable suitcase, slowly collecting dew, staring at a spot of coffee I had spilled on the bag and trying to avoid eye contact with the homeless man next to me as the digital display informing passengers how soon the bus would arrive counted upwards. I was concerned because the bag wasn’t really mine, per se, and because the generic, scruffy San Franciscan homeless man seemed more interested in the bag than anything else.

The bus eventually came 15 minutes late. I stepped through the doorway and thought of my poor little breakfast sandwich sitting on a plate in my apartment, all alone with no one to eat it, forgotten and abandoned by its creator. I frowned.

I swiped my MUNI card and trundled toward the back of the bus, and only then did I realize – despite the fact I had sneaked in just 3 hours of sleep before my alarm went off (thus denoting, obviously, that it was very, very early) – that this bus was inexplicably packed to the brim with strangers.

WHY?!!

This seemed nothing short of an insurmountable challenge as my eyes still squinted from the brightness of the lights. I turned back in the off-chance that a new seat had just appeared in the doorway behind me by some impossible magical means, but my eyes fell only upon the scruffy man, who had mysteriously produced an enormous orange in his hands. His eyes met mine and he gestured toward me with a piece of the orange, palm up, as though an offering. I waived my own hand passively and shook my head at the fruit. Scruffy was suddenly very upset, his eyes widening and disbelief filling his gaze. He had not been offering me the orange at all, I would shortly learn, but was gesturing for me to move forward; and yet I can only reason that my denial of this treat that he was not even offering to begin with was so audacious to this man that it was an affront to his very being. He exited the bus two stops later, shouting and cursing and glaring at me the whole while with shifty, focused eyes fit for a confrontation with heresy.

Thus began my journey to Sacramento. . . .

I resent pink insulation

The backs of my hands still prickle from the hundreds of tiny tiny tiny fiberglass shards that chose to “stick around” after this weekend (ha, get it?). But then again, we almost have a new bathroom and closet.

For those of you who missed it, a) my family has for years traveled up to Sonoma County to spend time at a property we share with my uncles, and b) a pipe froze, exploded and flooded a bedroom, a bathroom and part of a kitchen – twice. And that was at the start of January. Since then it’s been a predictable mess with insurance and contractors, so this past weekend a family friend in construction came over and we tried to fix it ourselves. Unfortunately for you, Reader, there are no tales of insane disasters. It actually went pretty smoothly, which is surprising considering the work party we had :P

My brothers, my dad and I worked with Ed (the one guy who knows what he’s doing) to rewire the room, install insulation (which, for the record, was entirely lacking in every wall and most of the ceiling, despite the freezing mountain temperatures in the winter), put up sheetrock and re-plaster everything. Two days later, the bathroom looks like a bathroom again the closet is now the warmest room in the house.

*(as a quick note, a company called Owens Corning developed the pink fiberglass insulation and patented it. It’s good insulation, but it’s only pink because buyers like it more when it’s pink. No joke. Patented pink.)

BLISS Construction

Construction of the BLISS figure for Burning Man 2011on Treasure Island (Fall 2010)

This crane eventually became a 3-story tall flame thrower...

Finished Winter 2011

California CAT

I learned recently that Cap-and-Trade policy in California may not include rules for allocating emissions credits to new energy producers entering the market after initial distribution. As far as I can tell, they will have to buy them from other incumbent sources :/

I’m very curious about what this may do (?). Does this insulate the market from more competition? Would it be better to encourage the development of new companies in energy production, or would that only prop up small entities with too little capacity to adapt to fluctuating market forces and consumption demands?

Ideas are welcome.

New Mayor, New Lt.

San Francisco has a new mayor this week as Gavin Newsom finally accepts his populist promotion to Lieutenant Governor. The 6’3” political progressive (actually considered a “moderate” in the City’s own political culture) heads to Sacramento to catch up with Jerry Brown's administration after delaying his swearing in by a week in order to secure the support of a new Board of Supervisors. The incoming BoS is more conservative than its predecessor, which was for years dominated by a bloc of Progressive supervisors often at odds with Newsom on economic policies. Among other benefits, a more cooperative field of local legislators has allowed the outgoing executive to negotiate the appointment of an interim mayor that will serve through the rest of 2011 until scheduled elections are held this Fall.

There was an array of potential candidates being offered up for the position before this week’s resolution. At the top of the short list were SFPUC General Manager Ed Harrington (that’s right, Uncle Eddy), Sheriff Michael Hennessey, and City Administrator Ed Lee. All of the most serious candidates were touted as effective and generally a-political administrators that would expectedly focus more on operating the hybrid City-County and its financially troubled agencies well, without getting their hands into the cookie jar/bear trap that is the upcoming mayoral race.

Nearly a dozen notable figures have already declared or expressed an interest in the election this fall, including several of the incumbent members of the Board of Supervisors. And this is where the whole thing gets sticky.

You see, in any other sane city, the responsibilities of the executive would normally fall to the Cit Administrator or City manager when the mayor leaves for a new job or otherwise resigns before the end of his/her term (assuming that those responsibilities do not already lie with said administrator – how does your City operate?) In many cities – especially smaller ones – these administrators are responsible for the successful day-to-day operations of the municipality, and the Mayor is instead a figurehead or part of the local legislature. This is called a Council-Manager form or mayoralty, and is the model de facto in places like Los Angeles and Phoenix.

This transfer of authority makes sense, right? The executive leaves and you as Urban Citizen X want someone to keep the lights on and the buses running until a new guy can come in to kick over the political ant hills. Well, as any Bay Area local can tell you, San Francisco is not like other cities. No, instead we have it written into our extensive City Charter that absent an appointment by a majority of the Board of Supervisors – at least six of the eleven (yes, we also have 11 supervisors for 49sq.miles of City/County) – the sitting President of the Board will inherit the mayoralty as “Acting Mayor”. Because legislators are great at public administration.

In this tale, however, the sitting President David Chiu clearly has an interest in being elected Real Mayor in the fall, and so do a few of the other Supervisors. Getting to play Interim Mayor leading into the elections would give Chiu and [“unfair”] advantage in the campaign, and so the Board was inclined to choose a neutral outsider to manage the position while they all fight for it with all-stars like City Attorney Herrera and ex-Mayor Willie Brown.

And so, after a cascade of increasingly bitter fights amongst the Board members over their preferred candidates – which culminated in Supervisor Daley going stark-mad Hulk status during a televised meeting (accusing Chiu of political sabotage) and proclaiming “It’s on like Donkey Kong!”, and several secretive meetings between Mayor Newsom and other Supes – the Board eventually agreed upon City administrator Ed Lee as the preferred interim mayor. Never mind that he was in Hong Kong at the time on vacation, or that he had just been reappointed for another 5 year term as C.A.; he is legitimately a very nice guy, a good administrator, and ultimately my boss at GSA. Go home team #2!

Lee is now the first Chinese American mayor that this city has ever seen, despite its long and colorful history of strong Chinese communities. Newsom joins Brown is Sac to face difficult challenges with our state budget and a failing legislative process (now over $25 billion in the red), though his job stats seem to have lightened dramatically (see comparison). With a new governor, a new mayor and a new boss at GSA, we may see something of a structural shuffle in the coming months, but we’ll just have to see. Fortunately, I’m on contract, so I can watch from a safe distance and enjoy the education :)

Lame Duck experiements with Four Loko

The Lame Duck Congress has transformed into an enormous Energizer bunny. In a period when politicians traditionally accomplish little to nothing at all, representatives in the House, Senate and White House have shown a strange and alien characteristic - the ability to cooperate (enough). Democrats have displayed a greater willingness to compromise (mixed feelings here) in the wake of the November elections in which Republicans took back majority control of the House and made significant gains in the Senate, and a handful of Republicans - many of them retiring or resentful of the Tea Party movement's belligerence - broke ranks and gave Democrats enough votes to pass some pretty significant legislation that had been stalling for months.

Just to emphasize the fact, this generally isn't supposed to happen. For nearly 70 years, the Lame Duck session has been a time when congressmen/women accomplish relatively little, or insert text into other legislation to get earmarks or local victories.

Let's take a look at some of the wins/losses from this LDS you should have heard about:

• Congress passes legislation to aid 9/11 rescuers and cleanup crews with ailments from their work on Ground Zero.

• Congress and the WH agree on compromise legislation that extends Bush-era tax cuts (for poor, middle class and phenomenally wealthy Americans :/ ) for another two years, at which point the cuts will undoubtedly become part of the 2012 campaign season.

• Congress (finally) passes a Defense Spending budget for next year. House Republicans had been blocking the legislation until the WH agreed to permanently extending the Bush-era tax cuts. (refer to previous bullet)

• The DREAM Act fails a vote in the Senate, but President Obama vows to renew the bill next year as part of comprehensive immigration reform.

• The military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy prohibiting gay men and women to serve openly in the armed forces was repealed this week (sort of suddenly) by the Don't Ask Don't Tell Repeal Act of 2010. DADT was implemented as a military policy in 1993 as a compromise between President Clinton and a more Congress, but it's intent to protect gay men and women from prejudiced targeting was never fully realized.

• President Obama rallies enough Republican support to ratify the New Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty (START) with the Russian Federation. 13 Republican Senators crossed the isle for a 71-26 vote, and the Russian Duma is now expected to ratify the treaty by the end of the month. New START replaces the previous START that expired early this, and has be become a point of contention under President Bush when he moved forward with missile shield projects in Eastern Europe. It's better now.
  

• The Food Safety Modernization Act passes the House and Senate, and is signed by President Obama. Several amendments are passes weeks later to fix unresolved gaps issues and fill gaps in the regulations.

For the Cherry on top, the EPA is releasing new regulations for energy production and oil refineries :D This shift is a welcome last-ditch effort to wrap up some priority legislation before the new Congress is sworn in next week, at which point it's likely that nothing enjoyable or productive will come out of the legislature for a good long while.

ADDENDUM: I recently learned (thanks to SFGSA-IT) of another odd but reasonable law that was passed during this session. SB.2847, or the Commercial Advertising Loudness Mitigation (that's right, CALM), forbids television ads from playing at a volume noticeably louder than the programs during which they air. You know when you're watching a rerun of Law and Order on TNT, and it skips to a commercial that is suddenly twice as loud as anything you'd previously seen on that channel? Well, they can't do that anymore.

Law and the Multiverse

"Is Tony Stark in violation of federal arms control laws when he flies to Afghanistan in search of justice by exporting defense articles to a foreign territory?"
"Does the explicit organization of superviallains through the Legion of Doom expose all of its associate members to RICO claims and prosecution?"
"Can the Second Amendment protect Superman's heat vision?"

You may never have thought to investigate these kinds of questions, or if you have it was probably at 3am with a group of 2nd year law students who just finished finals (eh hem...). But no worries, now there is a place to address these timeless questions! Law and the Miltiverse launched on November 30 when two attorneys teamed up to explore the hypothetical legal ramifications of superhero/supervillain relations.

As an unexpected benefit of working in public risk control, this has become even more awesome. But even for those with no experience in criminal law or property insurance, it's worth a read.

Check it out.

Things people don't tell you about "City Life"

• It's not possible to get rid of fruit flies.
• Doing your laundry regularly will break your bank. Since when does a wash cycle that holds half of your darks cost $2.50??
• Dress shoes (and all shoes) do not last long against 4 miles of pavement each day.
• It is absolutely possible to find any manner of "ethnic cuisine" within 6 miles of any point in San Francisco.
• When people say "excuse me" and a) don't immediately pass you, and b) are not holding a map or fanny pack, it's usually best to walk away (this based on statistically significant findings). I'm still having trouble with this one.
• Traffic signals can be useful recommendations for pedestrians and vehicles, but no more than that. If you live near a large traffic signal, however, it can serve the additional purpose of colorful dance lighting in your living room.
• Dancing on the center dividers of busy commercial streets is really no big deal, but you are not allowed to dance in MUNI buses or railcars. Hypocrites!
• "People on the bus" can be an incredible source of endless entertainment, but you must be equipped with earbuds or large headphones at all times; small headphones do not work, and books (hah, books....yeah right) are only to be read when qualifying earphones are available. They must be easily accessible and able to be fitted within no more than 5 seconds, as this is the longest break you will ever experience in a conversation you do not want to be having on MUNI. It's also become apparent that the other end of the earphones do not need to be plugged into anything in particular, but if your trickery is revealed to your new-found BFF, you best be getting off the bus lickity-split.
• Night Owl MUNI buses run time trials through the Richmond District. If there are less than 5 individuals on a given bus after 1am, a 25mph speed limit is really a 60mph speed limit, and hills, stop signs or other bus stops are only obstacles to the finish that deserve no attention.
  
• There are coyotes in Golden Gate Park and they eat small animals. Reportedly, they got bored with the people in Marin and decided to walk across the GG Bridge awhile back. Having found plenty of garbage cans and squirrels, and no competition from the local raccoon population, they decided to stay in town and enjoy their newfound dominance on the top of the food chain. Now when they get deported, they just cross the bridge again AND THEY DON'T EVEN PAY THE TOLL!
• Never ever expect it to be hot; but when it is, San Franciscans will freak out and fight each other. Symptoms include a general 40-pt drop in IQ among drivers, excessive testosterone for everyone, shouting arguments about philosophical theories between the homeless and businessmen, and an immediate tripling of "The end is nigh" signs on Market Street. Everyone seems to be happiest with the high 60s - so for the love of God, get your ass into the carbon market America!
• It's surprisingly easy to find people who work for local government, to the point of paranoia. We seem to be everywhere, and with 26,000 City employees, we really are.
  
• Don't mess with the bearded homeless guy.

Bluegrass Love, TARP and Archduke Ferdinand on Debt

This past weekend marked the 10th Annual Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival - or perhaps more accurately, this past weekend was engulfed by the 10th Annual Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival. I say that because I can't think of a better word to describe 800,000+ people pouring into Golden Gate Park, forming a fluid mass that swelled to fill every space within the fenced event zone that included 6 stages, expensive heart-congestive food, and Randy Newman on a baby grand.

Between the aforementioned stud, Joan Baez, Fountains of Wayne (who indeed sang "Stacey's Mom") and Elvis Costello - who broke it to the crowd that the Padres would not let the Giant's choke, no matter how hard they tried - it was a good weekend that only demanded an 8 minute walk from our apartment. But above all others, a short feisty soul-singer made quite the impression as thousands of us danced till darkness, despite the San Francisco Mist. Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings wrought their funk upon the masses for 1 1/2 hours without missing a beat - and oh my, that woman can sing. Somehow the program either acquired a permit or convinced the police that it was not worth their efforts to fight, but a few friends and I brought wine and champagne to drink out of plastic glasses on a picnic blanket and no one even blinked - mostly because they were too busy with the music and enjoying their own.

Endorsement #2 is going to Gaspare's Pizza House for their feta cheese & sun dried tomato pizza, the coffer of easy red wine and the 25cent-for-three-songs personal jukeboxes at every table.

Endorsement #3 is going to The Blarney Stone Irish pub on Geary St. with the free air hockey and shuffle board, whose barkeep cut all of their prices because of the Giants' victory ("obviously!" he says).


Besides the music, and besides the pizza and pressed grapefruit-vodka drink, I learned two very interesting pieces of political knowledge this weekend. Firstly, Germany just completed its last $92 million installment of its World War One reparations debt [1]. This was a little surprising to me, considering that I studied in Germany and still talk about German politics and their war guilt and such, but the fact that they still had tens of millions of $ in war 90 year old war debt – let alone that they were close to actually repaying it – was never really discussed. And for good reason perhaps, as the state is attempting to cut spending and every dollar is being watched. Nonetheless, according to my experience and the more reliable polling data in-country the German populous has almost entirely missed the memo, and most don’t know what the Treaty of Versailles was or demanded! (for the record, it demanded Germany pay around $400billion in today’s dollar value for “guilt”)

What this means for all of you history buffs out there who connect the first War with the Treaty, the near-failed German republic, the rise of Hitler, the second War, the end of Hitler, and everything stemming from the Marshall Plan, is that WWI ended yesterday.


Secondly, TARP worked?! The two year term for the controversial bailout/regulatory program (Troubled Asset Relief Program) officially came to a close this Sunday [2], and the initial performance review suggests that despite all of the absurd and often obscene rants – and the legitimate concerns – against the program, it seems to have been incredibly successful. Instead of the hundreds of billions of dollars so many thought it would cost, it may be closer to $50b-$70b with a possibility of making a return profit. That may still seem a little “out there”, but consider that there was no economic ruin, market collapse, 30% unemployment or returning of the Messiah before the Horsemen, and the market is actually recovering (though with hardly any of the jobs we had all hoped for…). It seems everyone is a little tongue-tied after railing against it for so long as the epitome of government failure.

Pretty neat weekend :)